The Journey Continues....

They say repeating an action consistently over a three week time period will subconsciously establish a routine. Well I am into my sixth week of my twelve week transformation and I am certainly noticing a shift in my actions and mindset.  I have consistently made progress in my endurance and distance in my outdoor trail running and I have been using the Vidadish pre-portioning containers which have made my food choices a lot easier to manage, prepare and take with me. Now I am not going to say it has been a piece of cake, mmmm cake, just kidding.  There definitely have been bumps and obstacles so far in my diet and my exercise journey.  Losing track of time, not slotting enough time to exercise or breathe for that matter and more significantly, not prepping my healthy food choices ahead of time, have all put mini detours and bumps to me sailing along my new path successfully.  These mini bumps have given me great pause and reflection on how I associate myself to food and exercise.

  

I have always associated food as a reward, a treat to be savored in sin, not a necessary fuel used to energize my body.  On the flip side, I have always associated exercise as a form of punishment or another form of work; I mean it is called a workout right.

These past few weeks, I have really tried to say present and be in the moment.  When I notice myself slipping back into old familiar habits of collapsing on the couch or indulging in that second or third piece of decadent dessert, I pause and ask myself how will this action benefit or enrich my life either physically or emotionally? If it doesn't then it isn't the right choice for  the me I want to be today.

One of the cool aspects of this 12 week transformation program is the weekly calls to write in our personal journals.  For this sixth week we were asked to write about what was the biggest turning point in your life and how did this memory contribute to the path you have chosen in life?  This topic is significant for me; my biggest turning point was when I was severely bullied in grade 2.  I was swarmed and taunted, called names, pushed, rocks and food were thrown at me by the school ground mob that engulfed me.  As you can imagine I was terrified.  At that moment I decided to live my life in a small way, live under the radar, if I go unnoticed then I can’t be hurt right?  Wrong, I believe it was Marianne Williamson who wrote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our” own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So at this time in my life I am consciously deciding to live my life in a large, empowering way not only to lift myself up but possibly to lift those around me up through my positive, healthy way of life I am choosing to live now in the present.

How are YOU choosing to live your “biggest” life right now?

Happy New Year! Come Along On My Journey for 2015!

As some of you may know, I first published this blog with www.powherhouse.com back in October of 2014.  But, since this is my personal journey I wanted to share it on my personal blog as well.  Come along with me and I hope you can relate and find inspiration in my story.

Hello my name is Dina and I am a serial dieter.  Statement that I am sure many of you have made as well.  I think I was 13 when I went on my first ‘diet’.  

You see, I lived in a house with a mother who was overweight, some would say obese.  I would watch as she hid food and snuck ‘forbidden’ treats late at night when she thought no one would hear or see.  I thought that his behavior was normal and common place.  Isn't this the kind “healthy” relationship we are supposed to have with our food?

I can lose weight, I have many, many times, more times than I can count, but keeping it off and believing that I deserved to be healthy and happy has been another story.

As some of you may know, I am a Public Relations Consultant for a boutique PR agency in Vancouver called A Cue Creative Consulting.  We have been working, growing and connecting with PowHERhouse for quite some time now.  I have been able to see firsthand the positive effects having a supportive network of like minded women can have not only on your business but your way of life as well.

So when Charlene offered me this opportunity to participate in her 12 week Transformation Program, I knew I had to jump on it.  Finally figuring out how to incorporate a work, life balance and learn that eating healthy and exercising is not a punishment but a gift to give your healthy self, is just priceless for any working woman trying to find more time and energy in any given day. I guess you could say these new ways of thinking and living would be my cause for taking this program but I would only be partly correct.  I am also attempting to conquer one of my lifelong nemesis’s running, I am going to be running my very first 5km race this year. 

Anyone who knows me knows that the idea of me becoming a runner would be a complete far-fetched concept never mind a reality for me.  But I am here to say that ways of thinking and perceptions are made to be broken, albeit transformed.  So as a means of keeping me accountable and committed to this cause, I want to invite you all to come along on my personal journey of self discovery and transformation.  I will be blogging about my successes, failures, experiences and struggles not only with this program but along my entire training journey to my running races in 2015.  They say a journey begins with just one step; well come along as I go one stride at a time.

Trust, What Does It Mean?

So here we have it, another year upon us! 

Like many of you, 2013 saw many changes and transitions for me.  It truly was one hell of a roller coaster of a ride, full of highs and just as many lows.  I am still in the ebb part of my transition and have been progressively forced to learn to surrender and trust in the process, and allow both the dark and the light to envelope, caress, console, fire up and enlighten me through my next cocoon life phase.  Me being the consummate control freak has made this a very complex and exhausting endeavour.  I guess, the biggest kernel of knowledge that I have taken from this experience has been an understanding, that this is and will always be an ever evolving lesson; a lesson in how to truly understand and encompass the very different levels and nuances of the word 'TRUST'

Trust is such a basic yet complicated word.  What is it to truly trust?  Trust in the process they keep telling me.  Trust that this is where you are suppose to be at this point in your life.  Trust that this process will lead you on the path you are intended to be on.  But what does this mean, trust what??

I guess the point is, there is no right or wrong definition. Trust is a concept that can and will always mean something different for each person, each person who is quiet and still enough to listen to his or her own unique definition.  Trust to me, means having faith and understanding that things will evolve and happen how they should, in their own due time and occurrence.  Trust also means to me, that I have unique abilities and understandings about myself and my place on this earth.  I am valuable and when the time comes I will be able to constructively contribute to whatever life puts before me, both good and bad and be able to come out on the other side, weathered but triumphant.

So as 2014 starts to unfold before us, I say we do something a bit different.  I 'trust' that this year is going to be life changing for me.  I chose to blaze a new path this year.  I am going to start off by concentrating on the positive and celebrate it if you will.  I have created a "My Positive Life Moments of 2014" jar.  Every time a positive occurrence, feeling, event etc. happens to me through this upcoming year, I am going to write it down on a piece of paper and add it to my jar of positivity.  Then on New Year's Eve of 2014, I will open up the jar and relive each and every positive and uplifting event I had the privilege to experience. 

Can you think of a better way to ring in another year?  Will you all join me and give this a try? 

I trust that your life will be forever changed if you do!

xxxoo Dina

Sometimes, You Just Need To Have Your Mind Blown.

I decided to finally take the plunge.

No, I am not married or having a baby, don't worry, calm down Ma ;) I decided to shake things up a bit and take an online writing course, to maybe help me harness my elusive creative minx.  Well, I am only 2 classes in and I already feel a bit of a shift.  You see Icess Fernandez our talented and charming instructor said something that struck me last week as we discussed the art of creating characters.  She said " I don't believe in writers block, you simply are not listening to what your characters are trying to tell you.  If you listen intently and honestly, you will always be able to write their story."  Ok my mind has officially been blown!

So, everyone, I now present to you my first creative short story that my characters told me to write for you!  

Give it a whirl and let me know what you think!  ENJOY!

My Hard Knocked Life

You see I have a bit of a problem, I like to sing show tunes when I get nervous, you know to calm myself down.  It all started when I was 10 years old and I had just gone to the theatre to see the Broadway show Annie with my Grandfather.  It was my birthday and as you all know, both my parents were killed unexpectedly in a tragic car crash the year before.  Grandpa was determined to make this birthday extra special.  To add to the excitement, Annie had red curly short hair just like me, my new found hero even looked like me; it was going to be the perfect night.  I remember sitting in the crowded theatre, snuggled close to my Grandpa just spilling over with anticipation.  Finally, the house lights lowered, a hush fell over the crowd and my evening of glamour and excitement began.

            As I sat mesmerized by the costumes, makeup and music, a strange thing happened, I felt myself being drawn into the story, Annie`s story unfolding before me.  She too had a ‘hard knox’ life, just like me, she had obstacles, tragedies, and no parents either.  But through it all, she picked herself up and kept going, like only she knew how.  I was so in awe and envious of how brave, spunky, determined and talented she was.  “Gosh I wish I could be just like that”, I whispered under my breath.  Next thing I knew I was singing along with Annie believing that if she can overcome such loss, then so can I.  What is the saying, the show must go on, well my hard knox life sure did.

            I always found school so difficult on both an academic and personal level.  Being that my Grandfather was on a fixed income, the latest and greatest styles and gadgets were never a possibility for me.  My Grandpa did the best he could, but he wasn't equipped to deal with a teenage girl, let alone one as introverted as me. He could never understand why I couldn't just snap out of it.  He would have moved heaven and earth for me, but this journey was mine and mine alone. We learned to make do. 

           I have always been a shy kid and after my parents died it only got worse.  I wasn't the kind of girl boys asked out.  No, I was the scrawny, geeky, wallflower, theatre nerd who sat by herself just dreaming and getting lost in my own thoughts of a different, better life.  But that was ok, I had Annie.

            I made it to my senior year in high school relatively unscathed, other than being the social outcast that is.  As I loaded my books in my locker after finishing my third period algebra class, there he was, David Walsh, the dreamy, tall, muscular, blonde captain of the soccer team.  I was smitten.  Even though David never knew I existed, I would get lost in my fantasies of him and me laughing, holding hands every time he would walk by my locker.  In my dreams and fantasies, I was somebody, I got noticed.

            The homecoming dance was coming up and for the first time I wanted to go.  I had been saving up all of my babysitting money so I could buy a new pretty dress.  Finally my dreams were going to come true.  I was walking down the hall towards my locker and as I walked by the gym entrance, there he was, David Walsh, all sweaty from soccer practice, laughing and talking with his team mates.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of him; I almost walked right into my locker door.  I quickly composed myself and opened my locker trying to look casual.  It was there and then that I decided that my ‘hard knox’ life was going to change.  I was finally going to matter.  I slowly closed my locker.  My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour, my hands were sweaty, I was so nervous.  As I looked down at my shoes trying to compose myself, I spontaneously started to hum, ‘Its A Hard Knox Life’ from Annie.  This song has always meant so much to me, it has always been my refuge, a place to retreat and feel safe.  I slowly, turned and began walking to my dream, David Walsh. 

As I approached the gym doors, I must have been in full falsetto.  David and his teammates stopped what they were doing and all turned to look at me.  This was really going to happen.  I was going to talk to David Walsh and we were going to live happily ever after, at least that is what I had hoped.  When I tried to open my mouth to say hello, all that would come out was ‘Hard Knox Life’ in full volume.  David just stared at me in confusion and looked around at his buddies and began to laugh and point at me and my one woman show.  I was paralyzed in fear and could not stop singing.  The more I sang the louder their laughter rung in my ears.  I was mortified and finally turned and ran away, tears streaming.

I ran to the only room I felt safe and could hide in, the music room.  Once inside, I collapsed to the floor in the far corner of the room and just wept with my head in my hands.  I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole, anything to escape my humiliation.  Suddenly, a faint, cracking, pubescent male voice came out of the shadows, “Are you ok?”  Startled, I look up and wiped my tears from my eyes with the back of my sleeve.  “Who’s there?” I whisper.  “It's me Peter, Peter Baker, we take third period algebra together.” He says timidly.  I swallow back my tears and reply, “Sorry I’m not really myself right now”.  “Can I help?” he replied “Yeah can you give me the mathematical equation for how to disappear” I say with a sarcastic tone.  “No” Peter replies, “But I got a jolly rancher, do you like apple?”  A slight laugh comes out of my mouth, “Sure, apple sounds good”.  Peter walks over and hands me the jolly rancher.  We both sit in silence, each gently sucking on this sweet but tart candy.  That is the day my life changed forever. 

Peter and I have been married for almost 13 years now.  He loves and accepts me just as I am, quirks and all.  He actually finds my daydreaming and love of show tunes endearing and charming.  So what does all this have to do with why we have all gathered here today to honour and pay our respects to Arnold Baxter, my noble, faithful, funny and loving Grandfather.  Well, he was the one who taught me my love of theatre, how even if life can and will knock you down, that you have to get back up and never give up.  I know I used to think that Annie was my hero, the one I would look to for help and guidance when I felt I just couldn't go on.  But, as I got older and became an adult I realized that it was my Grandfather that was and will always be my true hero.  He was my true example of strength and perseverance.  I miss and love you Grandpa, but know that no matter what my ‘hard knox’ life throws at me, I can handle and conquer it, you taught me that.  Even though your final curtain has dropped, my show will go on, I have plenty of acts left in me, and I am still waiting on my own standing ovation.

Thank you for reading, I hope that you enjoyed it! 

Love Always Dina xxoo

The Universe Isn't Finished With Me Yet!

If you had told me that at the age of 41 I would be packing up my worldly possessions and driving across country and living with my Mother once again, I would have thought you were insane and would have re-evaluated our relationship!  But that is exactly where my life is right now, I am living with my parents once again and starting my life completely over. 

Rebirth happens continuously throughout our lives in many forms if we are fortunate enough to allow ourselves to be open to all of life's transformative powers and influences. 

But this time, my newly found rebirth is actually transporting me back to childhood, I feel like a teenager again.  Now feeling like a teenager when you are 41 is not exactly a bad thing on the surface.  Feeling like a teenager could mean I feel young, vibrant, energized, inquisitive and eager.  Yes I COULD be feeling these things, but my teenage feelings are much different.  I feel uncertain, somewhat powerless, unsure, an almost emotional roller coaster.  I think living under my Mother's roof has unearthed age old insecurities that I thought I had put away as dealt with, after all I am a confident, contributing member of society, right? 

You see when I was younger I did go through years of feeling insecure and unsure of who I was or who I could be.  This made me feel weak and scared and a burning desire to overcompensate and over achieve so that no one would know my dirty little secret. I would convince everyone that I was just fine, nothing was wrong, I even convinced myself.  But being back here, all of these insecurities have reared their ugly head igniting my NEED to control everything and everyone in my life.  If you are in control then no can hurt you or be hurt by you right?

I guess the universe is not finished teaching me about me.  I guess my life is teaching me about trust, letting go and forgiveness.  On paper it seems like a logical, easy thing to achieve, too bad life does not exist on paper.  I know that I can achieve these things with others, especially those that I love and hold dear to my heart, the problem is I have not figured out how to trust, let go and forgive myself.

I AM a work in progress, a painting only half filled with texture and contrasting shades of  colour.  Each cycle in my life will help to add shading, vibrancy and emotion to my life's painting.  Who knows what the final piece will look like, but I do know that it will be my true essence, never perfect but always true.

I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me next, only be gentle I bruise ever so easily.

Luv Always,

Dina xxoo

My Life Is About To Take A 180 Degree Turn....

Crossroads really are a time of contemplation aren't they.  My life sure has had its fair share of them and now is no different.  As some of you may know I have been on a path of self discovery and reinvention for some time now.  Last year I decided to throw caution to the wind, quit my Administration job and went back to school and obtained my Public Relations Certificate.  I was fortunate enough to be given a contract by A Cue Creative Consulting, the PR and Brand Management Company I interned with.  These past 6 months have been a whirlwind of new experiences and confidence boosting work and client contributions.  But, life as we say is never that simple.  

Yes, I was moving in the direction of my new career choice and I was gaining confidence with every assignment, but something was still missing; family.  I am a BC transplant, I originate from Ontario and so does my entire family.  I have been blazing my own path for the past 13 years and I am very proud that I have been able to make my own choices and rely on my own strength, intelligence and fortitude to create my life on my own terms. 

Vancouver is a beautiful and vibrant city, full of art, nature and easy going lassiez faire attitudes.  Unfortunately, these wonderful attributes have made it next to impossible to financially get ahead.  Prices of day to day items, going out to eat, entertainment and not to mention real estate has doomed me to a life of a small apartment renter and lower middle class social status. Not to mention this trail blazing path has come at a bigger price, I have missed out on important birthdays, anniversaries and events in my ever growing families lives.  At what point do you decide what is most important in your life?

Well that decision is now for me, I have decided that I am going to move back to Ontario.  I want no I NEED to have a more work/life balance and the only way I can achieve this is if I move back.  Yes, I am going to miss the friends and city that I have grown to love and have become my family, my home away from home, but like the decision I made last year, I have to just throw caution to the wind and take that leap.  

With blind faith, I chose to take the path less traveled by and am excited and a bit scared as to what this new path will have in store for me.  What I do know is, I will have the love and support of my family to help me thorough it.  

Fortunately, my wonderfully supportive boss has extended my contract and I will have the amazing opportunity to continue growing and learning in my new PR path with A Cue Creative Consulting.  The beauty and luxury of having a virtual office! 

I look forward to rebuilding my past relationships and creating new ones.  On-wards and upwards they say and here I go into the abyss.

The Medium Is the Message or Is it?

Who knew that this many years later the infamous quote from Marshall McLuhan would still be ringing true today but with a bit of a twist.  “The medium is the message” was coined back in the 1970’s and back then McLuhan was trying to emphasize that the way we say something is more important than the words we use to say it, interesting and profound for that time.  Today, with the onslaught of the internet and more importantly the use of social media this profound notion has evolved even further, the medium itself has become the message. 

No longer do we turn to traditional avenues of information searching like newspapers, tv or radio; no we go to the internet now to get our news.  Recognizing how their readers and viewers are now consuming information, media outlets themselves have turned to social media to gather and present their news.  Those of us too busy to read an entire newspaper will turn to twitter and scan the posts and possible links from major media outlets to get our fill of the days happenings locally and globally.  In fact, when major news is breaking in the world it is usually twitter that will break it first.  This was the most evident during the Syrian uprising and citizen journalists were tweeting and posting videos of the rioting and mayhem when the country had put a ban on all media coming in and or going out.  So what does all this mean?

This means that the need to be immediate far outweighs the need to be accurate when presenting the hard news.  This means the ability to connect via the internet has replaced many individuals want for face to face interaction.  This means the avenues in which companies and individuals market themselves will be determined how their target audiences consume information.  This means the medium itself has become the message. 

Social media is an amazing tool and should be used as just that a tool of many to communicate and interact with individuals of any and all target audiences.  But we as consumers must also do our due diligence and understand that information presenting and consuming has forever been altered and how we chose to digest this information must change along with it.  This will continuously evolve as technology and the means in which we communicate continues to evolve.  Where will this end up?  I don’t have those answers but I do know I need to update my facebook status to contemplative.

Sometimes you just need to take a hike!

Well 2013 is upon us kiddies and it promises to be an excellent year!  You know I do say that at the beginning of every new year like we all do, wishing and believing that this year, yup this year is gonna be different.  Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't but what I have learned in the few years on this earth is that how you perceive your life will determine how it actually comes to fruition.
If we are constantly believing that nothing is gonna change and your life is miserable then odds are it is gonna be. 
Sounds simple right, in theory it is but in practice that is a whole other ball game.  You see I lost this a little while back.  I was so wrapped up in the big picture of my new life path and journey that I forgot to remember the immediate happenings around me, the little things.  Like the feeling of the crisp autumn air on your face as you take a stroll outside, the sheer magnitude and beauty of a sunset over a waterway or the swooping and swaying of a bird gliding through the open sky.  These little things are just as important, they make you feel connected to yourself and the world around you.  In an age when we are always plugged in to smartphones, ipads, laptops and such we have become more fragmented and stressed not only with our loved ones but with ourselves.

I lost myself a while back, with working two jobs and trying to get this new path on track I let go of the one thing that used to bring me such peace and rejuvenation and that was my daily walk.  I used to walk everyday as a means of decompressing after a long day.  I would put on my walking shoes and my ipod and out the door I went, able to just "be" for those 30 minutes and just breathe.  These walks always left me with a feeling of relaxation and invigoration at the same time, it was like my own personal meditation.   I slept better, was more creative and just felt a spring in my step.  Well as time in the day became a premium, my walk was the first thing to go.  As a result, over time I became lethargic, tired, overwhelmed and a wee bit depressed.  My weight crept up and my general outlook on life diminished.  With this new path coming to fruition before me I still felt this sense of stress and despair, everything I had been working for was happening why wasn't I overjoyed???

Then the other day, my friend Nadine posted a letter that Michael Moore wrote on his journey over the last 42 weeks of taking a 30 minute walk everyday just as a gift to himself, not to lose weight or exercise but as just as a means to just "be". This got me thinking, when was I the most content and at peace in my life? The answer, when I was walking!!  These past few days I have taken up Moore's challenge to take a 30 minute walk everyday and already I am feeling a shift.  I was able to take in a breathtaking sunset over the fraser river tonight and see the fog gently caress the snow capped rockies.  I wonder what I will be able to witness tomorrow. 
So friends and family, I am sending you a challenge, I challenge you to take a 30 minute walk everyday.  Put your kids in the strollers, grab your spouse, put a leash on your dog or whatever and just give yourself this 30 minute gift.  Rain or shine do it!! Not only will you notice a change in yourself but you will notice a change in your relationships with your kids, spouse and others.  You will feel more grounded and at peace.  So grab your shoes and lets all go for a walk! xxoo

Monday's Suck!

Hello Blog World!!!!

I am sorry that I have been remiss in tending to my blogging garden, aw hell lets be real this garden is freakin dead y'all..lol..Well I am back and I thought instead of regaling you with my usual life wisdom's and sometimes ramblings, I would entice you with a little short story I wrote for a contest put on by the Indie Chicks, an online women's magazine.  I have not delved into the world of short story writing since I don't know, high school maybe, so be kind will ya with your comments! ;)  ENJOY!!!

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Monday’s Suck!

The blaring alarm clock pierces Charlotte’s eardrums, jarring her from her much  needed slumber. She reluctantly rolls over and smacks the snooze button with  all the strength she can muster. “Dear God, it is too early” she mutters into her deflated pillow. Charlotte takes one last sigh and rolls over, throws the duvet off of her pajama clothed body and gets herself out of bed, takes a stretch and a yawn and shuffles herself off to the bathroom.

Charlotte takes a look at herself in the mirror, her hair is disheveled, her mouth tastes like the bottom of a birdcage, and she has smeared and partially worn off make-up with a small bit of some unknown crusty goop in the corner of her eye. In the upper right hand corner of the mirror there is a little post it note with the quote “40 is Fabulous!” hand scrawled across its beaming yellow hue. Charlotte while rubbing her eye reads the inspirational post it and takes another look in the bathroom mirror, blinks a couple of times at the image reflecting back at her and begins to chuckle and mutter, “Yup I’m fucking fabulous alright.” She shakes her head, opens up the medicine cabinet, pulls out her toothbrush and tooth paste and begins to brush her teeth. Charlotte gets ready for her day.

Charlotte runs down the stairs trying to button up the last of the buttons on her dress shirt. She rushes into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of much needed coffee. She takes a look at the clock on the microwave, “Fuck I’m late!” Charlotte puts the lid on her travel mug, grabs her coat, purse and keys and runs out the door.

Charlotte is speed walking her way to the bus stop. “Man I really need to work out more” Charlotte thinks as her wobbling thighs and buttocks burn. Behind her she can hear the rapidly approaching familiar chugging and whirring sounds of the Number 9 bus. “Aw man not again” Charlotte breaks into her signature flailing chicken run of terror. Loud grinding and whirring sounds hunt, overtake and leave Charlotte in the dust or more literally in the drink; a cold splash of muddy puddle water leaves her drenched. “Are you effing kidding me!” Charlotte screams as she reaches the bus stop out of breath and clearly irritated. The Number 9 bus is still loading its passengers. Charlotte dripping wet and pissed off steps onto the bus and glares at the bus driver. “Oops, sorry about that sweetie” The bus driver says with a bit of a chuckle. Charlotte beyond irritated, “First off, I ain’t your fucking sweetie, second off George, you’re a dick, get over yourself, you’re a fucking bus driver not a brain surgeon!” “Excuse me I am NOT a bus driver I am a Transport Technician” Charlotte wipes her face with her soggy sleeve, puts her fare in the fare box and leans into George and says, “Oh that is right I forgot a Transportation Technician, translated means, I have a small dick so I must overcompensate by driving the biggest piece of crap machinery known to man.” Charlotte drops the last of the coins in the fare box and takes her ticket. George shakes his head and mutters “Bitch” Charlotte mutters “Dick” and walks back to her seat.  Charlotte plops down next to an unsuspecting middle aged male passenger quietly reading his newspaper. As Charlotte sits almost in defeat the man looks up from his paper, Charlotte is still dripping wet and still panting from running. The man looks at Charlotte in puzzlement. Charlotte casually looks over at the man, wipes water dripping down her face with her sleeve and gives the man a cordial half smile and says “Hey, whatcha reading, anything worthwhile in there?” The man still puzzled at her very wet and distressed attire, stares at Charlotte and blinks a couple of times before replying, “Oh you know, same old, same old, death, destruction, falling economy, who is Lindsay Lohan screwing.” Charlotte replies, “Cool” They both awkwardly turn way from each other.

The bus ride is bumpy and filled with smells that should only be manufactured during wartime in a top secret facility and not coming from within the human body. Finally, Charlotte sees her stop and rings the bell. She gets up and begins to walk to the front of the bus, suddenly out of nowhere George slams on the brakes and Charlotte goes flying and lands in the sturdy lap of an attractive, dark haired, dark eyed well dressed man. The man is texting; Charlotte is now sitting on said phone. “You gotta watch that first step she is a doozy” Charlotte sheepishly says with an awkward laugh. The man just blankly stares at her. Just then, the phone wedged underneath Charlotte’s butt and the man’s lap rings. Charlotte casually reaches underneath her posterior and yanks out the damp cell phone and hands it to the man, “Gives new meaning to butt dialing huh” Charlotte says with a nervous laugh. The man gives Charlotte an awkward smile. “Can you get off of me now, I have to take this” Charlotte grabs the pole and rolls herself off of the man, pulls down her skirt and staggers her way to the front of the bus. George is laughing. Charlotte glares and mutters “Dick” George continues to laugh, “Watch that first step now, it can be a doozy” and continues to laugh.Charlotte mocks George with a fake laugh and exits the bus. She looks down at her watch, “Shit I am so late!” Charlotte proceeds into her flailing chicken run.

The blaring and piercing ring of the alarm clock awakens Charlotte from her much needed slumber. Charlotte looks at the clock and decides to throw it across the room. Charlotte rolls over onto her stomach and mutters into her deflated pillow, “Dear God, it is too fucking early!” Monday’s always come too fucking early.

Critical Thinking: Has Our Society Lost It?

Kony2012, by now all of you know or have heard of the Kony2012 viral video and its subsequent backlash and public humiliation of its filmmaker Jason Russell. Now before you jump on the for or against Kony bandwagon let me make clear this is not what this blog is about.
Like many of you I too participated in the spread of this video. I too had the infamous knee jerk reaction to its carefully edited albeit overly simplified humanitarian message and I hit the share button. I believe in the effort to raise awareness and the subsequent upsurge of youth joining forces to unite and actively participate in grassroots activism. By hitting the share button I too felt positive about helping be part of the catalyst to spread awareness of human rights violations occurring in Uganda. However, once I sat back and saw the surge in popularity of this video, It made me ask myself, besides this video what do most if not all of us really know what is actually going on in this foreign country? Have any of us done any research so that we maybe better informed to make an informed decision to participate in spreading awareness concerning an individual we virtually don't know anything about. The answer was no, we hadn't.
Is Joeseph Kony a bad person, by all accounts and purposes, yes he is. Will simply getting rid of him fix all of the issues surrounding the violence and abuse being orchestrated by the LRA, no it will not. The issues going on in Uganda and now the Congo are very complex. A virtual civil war has been raging in this country for many years, how do I know this, I did some research.

The landscape of journalism and media has forever been altered due to the onslaught of the Internet and the subsequent ever reaching popularity of social media. We no longer rely on newspapers or news stations to get our world news, no we log onto Facebook and Twitter to do that. This has become a double edged sword. The instantaneousness of information is amazing and plentiful. However, how much is too much? We are constantly being bombarded with information and images that our attention spans have dwindled to almost nothing, if you don't get my attention in a few seconds, I'm moving on. It is almost like we have become numb, we actively try to filter out only the information that we assume pertains to us and ignore those that do not. Secondly, many if not almost all of us casually press send/share to videos and links and photos that are posted on social media outlets, without actively viewing them in their entirety, innocently believing them to be true without any verification to its authenticity. Where has our critical thinking gone? Many of us just accept things at face value as truth, after all if it's on the Internet it must be true right?

Consequently, you and I are now becoming the "journalists" of society, yet we are not held to the same level of ethical standards as actual journalists are. So I beg the question, should we be held to same journalistic standards and if we break these should we be held accountable just as a journalist would? It is an interesting quandary. We live in a society where there in essence are no safety nets shielding and sifting through the garbage to reveal to us to what the actual "truth' is. Are we equipped as individuals to do that job on our own? I think we are, ONLY if we are prepared to do the work, ie research to find it. It clearly seems we are living in a Brave New World, doesn't it. xxxoo

Turning 40 Is The New Black Right???

At least that is what I am telling myself anyways. This year I am turning 40 years old, the big 4-0, middle age, over the hill, getting ready for the inevitable dirt nap. Ok, ok those last couple were a little extreme but I have to say it kinda is how I am feeling. I don''t know why this birthday is affecting me the way it is, but it is. I think a major part of it is I am not nearly anywhere near the accomplishments I assumed I would have achieved by this impeding age milestone. I thought I would be married or at least in a loving committed relationship, a couple of kids, own my own house and have a thriving career in the film industry. Sounds easy and achieveable right? Well, nope to all accomplishments.
I guess I am feeling a bit defeated, kicked around by life a bit. I know, I know, calling pity party for one, pity party of one. I know that age is just a number and you are only as old as you feel, I get it, I really do, I am just not feeling it right now that is the problem. I guess what I am trying to say is I need to come up with a new set of goals and accomplishments I need to accomplish and not dwell on ones that have passed for now. New goals and new perspectives that is what I need. But how do I go about getting it?
First off I am in the process of making an about face and starting a brand new career hopefully in public relations if I get accepted into the Continuing Studies Program at Simon Fraser University. So, new career goals, check. I have started a new exercise and eatting healthy plan so I can be happier and healthier in myself and my outlook, check. This new found outlook will allow me to be open to meeting a new somebody, and possibly that special someone, check. So here's hoping the universe is listening to what I am putting out there. Life really is about the journey isn't it. Well thus far this journey has many twists, turns, bumps, obstacles and forks. It definately has made my crazy life interesting, frustrating and rewarding. I honestly, wouldn't of had it any other way. This life maybe crazy, but its my life, all of it, good the bad and sometimes the ugly. It has helped to shape and mould me into the woman I am today. The crazy, spontaneous, emotional, unpredictable, funny, sassy and beautiful approaching 40 year old woman. So come on universe get your fire extinguisher ready, 40 lit candles is quite the blaze. But this time instead of quickly blowing them out, I am chosing to bask in its firey glow. xxoo

"Self Sabotage" My Oldest But Not So Dearest Friend

Just when I think I have a handle on my life, career, weight, relationships...WAMMO self sabotage stops by to rear its ugly head. I have focus, direction and a path as to where I want and need my life to go but I just can't seem to get from point A to point B. I have the greatest of intentions and desperately want to fulfill them but I constantly fall back on old self destructive patterns. Take my weight for example, I was successful in losing half of the weight I put on during my depression and self loathing, but that hit a stand still for quite sometime. I got comfortable and again I stared eating foods I know I shouldn't have and lost the drive to workout and came up with any and all excuses I could think of. The result I have put back on 15 pounds of the 35 I lost.
Now lets take my screenwriting, I have been "working" on my first feature length script for the past 2 years. I put working in quotation points because really it is more something to procrastinate and put to the side then something I have been actively working on. Now if this is something I believe I am passionate about why do I allow other forces to deter me from completing and successfully pursuing them?
Is it that I feel I don't deserve success or is that I am afraid of it? Failure does suck but in a twisted kind of way it is comfortable to me, its what I know. What am I afraid of? I thought after taking these last four years of introspection and self reflection I would have delved into and discovered just about every nook and cranny of my inner most thoughts, feelings, fears, likes, dislikes etc, but apparently I'm wrong. I must say I am kind of at a lose right now as to what direction I need to go in to finally slay these last dragons of self doubt. I guess what I can take from this is that maybe it is never over. This is going to be a life long struggle and battle within myself. Gone are the days when I would scrap my knee or bruise my arm and my Mother would come in and kiss it better and make me homemade chocolate pudding to make things all right with the world again. No today, I need to put on the shiny armor, sharpen my mighty sword and muddy myself slaying these dragons of fear and self doubt all on my own, wish me luck.

Intrawebs..Friend or Foe to Interpersonal Relationships

As my previous blog post demonstrated I am trying to focus and create a more regimented manner in which I am creative. First off I am going to try and write a blog at least once a month, I know that dosen't sound that daunting but for me it actually is, so here goes.

While it being the Canadian Thanksgiving this past weekend I always try to sit and reflect on what I am most thankful for, of course family and friends are at the top of my list. However, the landscape of my friendships I have noticed has changed quite significantly over these past few years. I have created or established a wide array of friendships globally due to the use of the Internet. Through various social media sites, like Myspace, Tribe.net, Twitter and Facebook, various chat rooms and the like, I have been able to meet, chat and develop quite amazing friendships with people I have never met. Whether it is through music, film, political affiliations or charitable causes we happen to be associated with, we have been able to find and forge a common bond and thus a relationship. This rises the question, since we are hiding behind the safety of the computer screen and never actually having a physical interaction with said person can this still be considered a "real" relationship; I think yes and no.

Yes, I believe that these relationships are real. I open up and talk openly and honestly with these people with no immediate fear of being rejected or dismissed because I am sitting behind this computer screen and am thus shielded. I am able to let my guard down and actually be the "real" me to whomever I am conversing with. It doesn't matter what I look like, or what car I drive, or how much square footage my house is, when I am clicking my thoughts down on the computer keys I am me. Without the tool of the Internet I would never of had the opportunity to meet, interact, learn and grow with and from these people because of sheer geography. Information sharing, learning about new cultures and different ways of living and seeing the world has allowed me to grow and evolve as a woman and a human being. Well that is how I am anyways. I have been able to physically meet some of these amazing people and have been able to take these friendships to another level because of it.

On the other side, if one is using the Internet to create a persona or version of themselves because their self esteem is so low they think that they could never be the "real" them for fear of being rejected or made fun of , then this is a negative. When a computer screen and animated characters are replacing actual one on one interactions with anyone, this is where technology is a detriment. We as human beings NEED social interaction to function and have a sense of belonging. If we feel like we do not belong we feel disenfranchised and alone. If our only sense of belonging exists on the Internet and not in the outside world this is where a tool used to connect us does the complete opposite. So I guess what I am trying to say like anything in life, one can only get out of anything what they put into it. Like any tool mankind has created in the light of advancement, be sure not to let its bright lights and pretty buttons blind side you as too what is really important in this life, authentic friendships and genuine love. xxoo

Consistently Inconsistent

Well here I go again not writing for months on end, well at least I am consistent with it right? But like I wrote in one of my blogs my inspiration can be fleeting and few and far between. But you know what, I think that is actually an excuse that I have been hiding behind. What I lack is discipline and focus not inspiration. There is an artist that is living inside of me, but this artist has not been allowed to grow and blossom. I have kept her small, immature and flakey. I can manage her when she is like this, she will not challenge me or force me to look deep inside and find my real truth. She will allow me to live wearing masks or illusions if you will. No my inner artist is like a misbehaving child, not wanting to listen, take direction or structure. My infantile inner artist must be wrangled in and taught how to grow, blossom and evolve into the mature, interesting, creative woman that I already know how to be.

So here goes, I Dina Arsenault am going to make writing and creating a priority. No longer am I going to allow distractions and obstacles to impede my will and need to create. Creativity will be a priority and no longer will I allow negative thoughts of my inadequacies and misgivings to impede my journey of creation and self discovery. They say if you put positive things out into the universe, it will come back to you, here's hoping.

The Personal Benefit of The Cherry Blossom Benefit

Once again I have been very lax in my blogging, sorry followers ;(

As some of you may know recently I organized a benefit fundraiser to raise money for the Red Cross to help those in Japan. After the catastrophic earthquake and subsequent tsunami that hit the shores of Japan on March 11th I was left with feelings of helplessness and sorrow. Seeing all of the horrific images of devastation I was so overwhelmed and consumed with grief. What kept popping up in my sub conscience was "what can I possibly do to help these people, these people on the other side of the world?" You have to understand I am a doer, if I see something that needs to be done, I take a course of action, roll up my sleeves and get it done. That is how I work. This situation had me second guessing myself and my abilities, what impact could little old me have on such a devastating occurrence? This had me thinking, "I can't be the only one who feels this way, there has to be others who are feeling the same as I am, right?" So I put it out there, out there on Facebook, I posed the question, Who would like to help me figure out a fundraiser of sorts to help those in Japan? No sooner had I pressed send then people, wonderful woman immediately wrote back, "I'm in, what do you need me to do?"

The Cherry Blossom Benefit was born. Immediately me, and four beautiful, giving, compassionate, strong and funny women jumped into action and quickly brought together the event. We had bellydancers, a silent auction and a 50/50 draw. As the night was drawing closer, most would have feelings of nervousness and anxiety, Would anyone actually come? Is this even gonna work? Ironically I actually became calmer and more at peace. You see in my eyes we had already succeeded. We, a band of women joined together in our community to help another community on the other side of the world. Not to have praise or to get anything out of it; no, just out of the sheer need and desire to give, to help those in need. So yes, "little old me" with many other "little old me's" were able to make a difference, an impact on something larger then ourselves. We were able to raise over two thousand dollars that evening. You see it has been estimated by the Red Cross that twenty dollars provides food and shelter for one person. We were able to provide food and shelter for over a 100 people. That to me is a success.

I am still in awe in how my community, dancers donating their performances, businesses donating goods and services to be auctioned off, men and women young and old coming out to take part in the evening to give not only with their pocketbooks but with their hearts as well, all generously joining together as one for no other reason then to merely pay it forward. The energy and the love in that room that night was electric, palpable in fact. That above anything else is what I will carry with me in my heart for the rest of my life. If you can take anything from my little post here it is this, do not underestimate the impact you have on one another. The mere act of smiling at someone, holding a door, saying hello or donating your time talking to someone in need has a profound impact. It truly does, but what I wasn't expecting was the profound impact it would have on me and how I will choose to lead my life in the future. Both my eyes and my heart have been opened and now my outlook has never been clearer.

Waking Up To Live

Wow, checking back on the last time I blogged it really has been a very long time, inspiration REALLY IS elusive for me. This past Christmas, December 21st to be exact marked the 10 year anniversary of my brother Robert's death. Although as tragic as it was and is it made me think and reflect on my own life. You see I am the exact same age as my brother was when he died 10 years ago, 38. This posed the question, if my life were to end right now like it did for my brother would I have any regrets? The answer is yes, yes I would. Not about things that I have done, no I take full ownership of all things I have done and said, good or bad I own them and hopefully have learned from them in the process. No my regrets would be for the things I haven't done, many things that I haven't done but have always wished I had. This poses another question, what am I waiting for? Why is it we need life altering experiences such as death to really wake us up to really start living? I chose to live now and in the moment, I mean I say these words all the time, but am I really living them? Isn't it funny that once you start asking yourself life questions it usually leads to more questions. I guess that is what our lives are for to seek out the questions that lead us to our own destinies and fates directed by how and when we ask the universe to lead us in the direction of our own personal life journeys. We all have the same destination, it is the journey that varies amongst all of us.
So now I have to chose somewhere to begin, travel has always been top on my to do or bucket list. So here I go, world travel, ideally Europe is where I think I want to begin. I have plans in the works to take 2 months next year and backpack through Europe. I'm gonna do it this time, no more someday, because we all know someday is code for never. My goal is for my 40th birthday which as any girl knows is a monumental one, will be rung in in the cosmopolitan and sophisticated city of Paris. How fitting, a city that never sleeps for a woman who finally has woken up and really started to live. So here I go, questions abound, bucket list begun, where its going to lead me, not sure, but at least I'm asking the questions and not waiting for the next life altering event to wake me up to live.

Inspiration The Elusive Minx

Inspiration...hmmm that really is so evident and yet so elusive. You see inspiration has no rhyme or reason for me. Where it comes from is never common place or consistent. It could be music, art, film, life, nature, dance, fashion, a PB & J sandwich excetera excetera. I really would like to harness it. One minute it is here the next poof gone. Or could it just be that I have mild to moderate form of ADHD, no really I can be all over the place. Could it be the copious amounts of sugar I can consume in one sitting? I once put 4 whole boxes of smarties in my mouth on a dare, needless to say my Mother had to peel me off the ceiling from my sugar high. I really can't say but I can say with undoubted certainty that my wide and vast ocean of imagination has never wained or faded. It is almost a need not just a want. I need to be lost in the cascades of lollipop land and gumdrop sunsets. It is my escape, always has been. I can be who and what I have always wanted to be with no regret or compromise. In this land, I am beautiful, strong, playful, courageous and free. I do feel these things in everyday life but here there is no compromise or explanation.

Growing up does not have to mean losing your child like wonder or sense for adventure. I think in our quests to put things in nice and neat ordered little boxes of conformity we lose, well US in the process. I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't need to harness my inspirations, just delight and feel blessed that I am still able to have them.

Tattoos and Misfits

YOU have a Tattoo???? The emphasis on YOU?? This is the common phrase that is directed towards me when it is revealed that I do indeed have tattoos, 3 in fact and soon to be more. You see I don't fit the stereotypical "type" that would have a tattoo. I work a 9 to 5 job, dress relatively mainstream and have no motorcycle in sight. It really is puzzling that in today's day and age we still have preconceived notions on how and what people should look and act like.

All of my tattoos signify and represent a poignant turning point or event in my life. When I look at each one I am reminded of where I was and where I still need to progress to. The one that is most memorable is my tribal butterfly tattoo. You see this tattoo is a cover up. A cover up of a spontaneous instance of youthful misguided judgement. When I was 23 I decided on the nudging of a friend to get a tattoo; a Japanese character for truth. Because of my fear I only wanted to get it very small, tiny in fact. Over a small period of time this little character for truth turned into a distorted blob of black ink. Unbeknownst to me, I was not informed that your skin stretches over time and if the tattoo is too small it will distort. Here I was left with a smudge or mark to glorify my mistake in judgement.

Years later when I had matured from a naive girl into a more knowledgeable and evolved woman I was able to signify this with my tribal butterfly tattoo. What better way to represent this personal growth then a beautiful, colourful piece of body art. This piece of art shows that a mistake does not have to define you but can open up an opportunity to grow, learn, evolve and blossom into the person you are meant to be. Some chose to keep this pearls of wisdom internal but I chose to externalize them on my body, showing them if I chose or keeping them close for only my comfort. To the outside world my butterfly is just that a butterfly but to me it is my freedom, beauty, sexy growing mystique of being the woman I am and want to be.

I AM Woman

I LOVE being a woman. I AM comfortable in my own skin. Both statements are profound and bold for me to say. I have not always felt this way about myself. I mean that is not profound on its own, so many women have these very same sentiments, albet they never have the courage or conviction to admit it aloud or even to themselves. Two and a half almost three years ago I had a life changing experience, I ended a seven and a half year romantic relationship. You ask, "well people break up all the time h0w is this life altering?" That is true, but for me, it was and still is. For the first time, I was truly on my own. I went from living at home with my mother to moving in with him. I had never had to be completely self sufficient, now I had no choice. I had always lived under the guise of never being good enough. Although, I was able to put on a brave front and convince everyone, including myself that I was just fine, happy even. Truthfully, I was panged with feelings of inadequacies, self loathing and unhappiness. I lived my life for others and in the process lost who I was, or maybe I never truly knew who I was in the first place. These feelings lead into the arms of a man who on the surface was kind and loving but underneath was bitter, angry and self loathing as well. This is where my true downward spiral went into full force. His verbal assaults became a constant and my pit of self loathing became almost common place. But he said that he loved me, that should have been enough, right?
I chose to build walls and live in this aura of denial that everything was fine, but truthfully I had become almost numb to all feelings, it was safer that way. I turned to food to comfort myself, a practice I witnessed my mother do from the time I was little, to comfort her pain of feeling trapped taking care of a terminally ill controling man; my father. In the process, I gained a considrable amount of weight and now a new level of self lothing could be piled on top of the already existing pile.
Then one day, while out for lunch with a friend, she was able to break down a few bricks of my coccoon of emotional numbness. Once a few bricks came down the whole wall crumbled. Pain, fear, grief, all kinds of emotions came flooding back to me. I felt so raw so exposed, but I WAS feeling. That was my turning point. I no longer wanted to live with no feeling. In fact I just wanted to live again. In that very moment I made the decision to get my life back on my terms. This is where the real work began. I made a conscious decision to no longer skate by in life but to really look deep within myself and do the work. It hasn't been easy. Each day got a little easier, I became more confident in my abilities and my worth. I did come to terms and confront traumas, obstacles and occurances that happened to me in childhood. This is where the real work came into play. I discovered that I had a lot of pain pushed down deep and covered with denial and food so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. Once I looked at it dead on, felt the pain and let it go, it was like I was free and almost lighter. A miraculous thing happened along the way, I found the real me. She has always been there, waiting, coming out every once in a while to remind me she still exists but would quickly retreat back into the recesses. I've missed her, the fun, joyous, silly, loving and self confident woman. She now has the staring role, no longer the background player. Do I still have days of feeling not so confident? Absolutely, we all do, but now I don't let it take over, I know that it will pass and life, my life will go on. I am not perfect by any means, I make mistakes, wrong choices and bad judgements like everyone else. But now I can honestly say I am ok with it, it does not define me. I chose to live in the moment and really be present in this crazy thing called our lives. My journey is far from over, only now I know how to stop and really take in and appreciate the view. xxoo