At least that is what I am telling myself anyways. This year I am turning 40 years old, the big 4-0, middle age, over the hill, getting ready for the inevitable dirt nap. Ok, ok those last couple were a little extreme but I have to say it kinda is how I am feeling. I don''t know why this birthday is affecting me the way it is, but it is. I think a major part of it is I am not nearly anywhere near the accomplishments I assumed I would have achieved by this impeding age milestone. I thought I would be married or at least in a loving committed relationship, a couple of kids, own my own house and have a thriving career in the film industry. Sounds easy and achieveable right? Well, nope to all accomplishments.
I guess I am feeling a bit defeated, kicked around by life a bit. I know, I know, calling pity party for one, pity party of one. I know that age is just a number and you are only as old as you feel, I get it, I really do, I am just not feeling it right now that is the problem. I guess what I am trying to say is I need to come up with a new set of goals and accomplishments I need to accomplish and not dwell on ones that have passed for now. New goals and new perspectives that is what I need. But how do I go about getting it?
First off I am in the process of making an about face and starting a brand new career hopefully in public relations if I get accepted into the Continuing Studies Program at Simon Fraser University. So, new career goals, check. I have started a new exercise and eatting healthy plan so I can be happier and healthier in myself and my outlook, check. This new found outlook will allow me to be open to meeting a new somebody, and possibly that special someone, check. So here's hoping the universe is listening to what I am putting out there. Life really is about the journey isn't it. Well thus far this journey has many twists, turns, bumps, obstacles and forks. It definately has made my crazy life interesting, frustrating and rewarding. I honestly, wouldn't of had it any other way. This life maybe crazy, but its my life, all of it, good the bad and sometimes the ugly. It has helped to shape and mould me into the woman I am today. The crazy, spontaneous, emotional, unpredictable, funny, sassy and beautiful approaching 40 year old woman. So come on universe get your fire extinguisher ready, 40 lit candles is quite the blaze. But this time instead of quickly blowing them out, I am chosing to bask in its firey glow. xxoo
