Sometimes, You Just Need To Have Your Mind Blown.

I decided to finally take the plunge.

No, I am not married or having a baby, don't worry, calm down Ma ;) I decided to shake things up a bit and take an online writing course, to maybe help me harness my elusive creative minx.  Well, I am only 2 classes in and I already feel a bit of a shift.  You see Icess Fernandez our talented and charming instructor said something that struck me last week as we discussed the art of creating characters.  She said " I don't believe in writers block, you simply are not listening to what your characters are trying to tell you.  If you listen intently and honestly, you will always be able to write their story."  Ok my mind has officially been blown!

So, everyone, I now present to you my first creative short story that my characters told me to write for you!  

Give it a whirl and let me know what you think!  ENJOY!

My Hard Knocked Life

You see I have a bit of a problem, I like to sing show tunes when I get nervous, you know to calm myself down.  It all started when I was 10 years old and I had just gone to the theatre to see the Broadway show Annie with my Grandfather.  It was my birthday and as you all know, both my parents were killed unexpectedly in a tragic car crash the year before.  Grandpa was determined to make this birthday extra special.  To add to the excitement, Annie had red curly short hair just like me, my new found hero even looked like me; it was going to be the perfect night.  I remember sitting in the crowded theatre, snuggled close to my Grandpa just spilling over with anticipation.  Finally, the house lights lowered, a hush fell over the crowd and my evening of glamour and excitement began.

            As I sat mesmerized by the costumes, makeup and music, a strange thing happened, I felt myself being drawn into the story, Annie`s story unfolding before me.  She too had a ‘hard knox’ life, just like me, she had obstacles, tragedies, and no parents either.  But through it all, she picked herself up and kept going, like only she knew how.  I was so in awe and envious of how brave, spunky, determined and talented she was.  “Gosh I wish I could be just like that”, I whispered under my breath.  Next thing I knew I was singing along with Annie believing that if she can overcome such loss, then so can I.  What is the saying, the show must go on, well my hard knox life sure did.

            I always found school so difficult on both an academic and personal level.  Being that my Grandfather was on a fixed income, the latest and greatest styles and gadgets were never a possibility for me.  My Grandpa did the best he could, but he wasn't equipped to deal with a teenage girl, let alone one as introverted as me. He could never understand why I couldn't just snap out of it.  He would have moved heaven and earth for me, but this journey was mine and mine alone. We learned to make do. 

           I have always been a shy kid and after my parents died it only got worse.  I wasn't the kind of girl boys asked out.  No, I was the scrawny, geeky, wallflower, theatre nerd who sat by herself just dreaming and getting lost in my own thoughts of a different, better life.  But that was ok, I had Annie.

            I made it to my senior year in high school relatively unscathed, other than being the social outcast that is.  As I loaded my books in my locker after finishing my third period algebra class, there he was, David Walsh, the dreamy, tall, muscular, blonde captain of the soccer team.  I was smitten.  Even though David never knew I existed, I would get lost in my fantasies of him and me laughing, holding hands every time he would walk by my locker.  In my dreams and fantasies, I was somebody, I got noticed.

            The homecoming dance was coming up and for the first time I wanted to go.  I had been saving up all of my babysitting money so I could buy a new pretty dress.  Finally my dreams were going to come true.  I was walking down the hall towards my locker and as I walked by the gym entrance, there he was, David Walsh, all sweaty from soccer practice, laughing and talking with his team mates.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of him; I almost walked right into my locker door.  I quickly composed myself and opened my locker trying to look casual.  It was there and then that I decided that my ‘hard knox’ life was going to change.  I was finally going to matter.  I slowly closed my locker.  My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour, my hands were sweaty, I was so nervous.  As I looked down at my shoes trying to compose myself, I spontaneously started to hum, ‘Its A Hard Knox Life’ from Annie.  This song has always meant so much to me, it has always been my refuge, a place to retreat and feel safe.  I slowly, turned and began walking to my dream, David Walsh. 

As I approached the gym doors, I must have been in full falsetto.  David and his teammates stopped what they were doing and all turned to look at me.  This was really going to happen.  I was going to talk to David Walsh and we were going to live happily ever after, at least that is what I had hoped.  When I tried to open my mouth to say hello, all that would come out was ‘Hard Knox Life’ in full volume.  David just stared at me in confusion and looked around at his buddies and began to laugh and point at me and my one woman show.  I was paralyzed in fear and could not stop singing.  The more I sang the louder their laughter rung in my ears.  I was mortified and finally turned and ran away, tears streaming.

I ran to the only room I felt safe and could hide in, the music room.  Once inside, I collapsed to the floor in the far corner of the room and just wept with my head in my hands.  I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole, anything to escape my humiliation.  Suddenly, a faint, cracking, pubescent male voice came out of the shadows, “Are you ok?”  Startled, I look up and wiped my tears from my eyes with the back of my sleeve.  “Who’s there?” I whisper.  “It's me Peter, Peter Baker, we take third period algebra together.” He says timidly.  I swallow back my tears and reply, “Sorry I’m not really myself right now”.  “Can I help?” he replied “Yeah can you give me the mathematical equation for how to disappear” I say with a sarcastic tone.  “No” Peter replies, “But I got a jolly rancher, do you like apple?”  A slight laugh comes out of my mouth, “Sure, apple sounds good”.  Peter walks over and hands me the jolly rancher.  We both sit in silence, each gently sucking on this sweet but tart candy.  That is the day my life changed forever. 

Peter and I have been married for almost 13 years now.  He loves and accepts me just as I am, quirks and all.  He actually finds my daydreaming and love of show tunes endearing and charming.  So what does all this have to do with why we have all gathered here today to honour and pay our respects to Arnold Baxter, my noble, faithful, funny and loving Grandfather.  Well, he was the one who taught me my love of theatre, how even if life can and will knock you down, that you have to get back up and never give up.  I know I used to think that Annie was my hero, the one I would look to for help and guidance when I felt I just couldn't go on.  But, as I got older and became an adult I realized that it was my Grandfather that was and will always be my true hero.  He was my true example of strength and perseverance.  I miss and love you Grandpa, but know that no matter what my ‘hard knox’ life throws at me, I can handle and conquer it, you taught me that.  Even though your final curtain has dropped, my show will go on, I have plenty of acts left in me, and I am still waiting on my own standing ovation.

Thank you for reading, I hope that you enjoyed it! 

Love Always Dina xxoo

The Universe Isn't Finished With Me Yet!

If you had told me that at the age of 41 I would be packing up my worldly possessions and driving across country and living with my Mother once again, I would have thought you were insane and would have re-evaluated our relationship!  But that is exactly where my life is right now, I am living with my parents once again and starting my life completely over. 

Rebirth happens continuously throughout our lives in many forms if we are fortunate enough to allow ourselves to be open to all of life's transformative powers and influences. 

But this time, my newly found rebirth is actually transporting me back to childhood, I feel like a teenager again.  Now feeling like a teenager when you are 41 is not exactly a bad thing on the surface.  Feeling like a teenager could mean I feel young, vibrant, energized, inquisitive and eager.  Yes I COULD be feeling these things, but my teenage feelings are much different.  I feel uncertain, somewhat powerless, unsure, an almost emotional roller coaster.  I think living under my Mother's roof has unearthed age old insecurities that I thought I had put away as dealt with, after all I am a confident, contributing member of society, right? 

You see when I was younger I did go through years of feeling insecure and unsure of who I was or who I could be.  This made me feel weak and scared and a burning desire to overcompensate and over achieve so that no one would know my dirty little secret. I would convince everyone that I was just fine, nothing was wrong, I even convinced myself.  But being back here, all of these insecurities have reared their ugly head igniting my NEED to control everything and everyone in my life.  If you are in control then no can hurt you or be hurt by you right?

I guess the universe is not finished teaching me about me.  I guess my life is teaching me about trust, letting go and forgiveness.  On paper it seems like a logical, easy thing to achieve, too bad life does not exist on paper.  I know that I can achieve these things with others, especially those that I love and hold dear to my heart, the problem is I have not figured out how to trust, let go and forgive myself.

I AM a work in progress, a painting only half filled with texture and contrasting shades of  colour.  Each cycle in my life will help to add shading, vibrancy and emotion to my life's painting.  Who knows what the final piece will look like, but I do know that it will be my true essence, never perfect but always true.

I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me next, only be gentle I bruise ever so easily.

Luv Always,

Dina xxoo

My Life Is About To Take A 180 Degree Turn....

Crossroads really are a time of contemplation aren't they.  My life sure has had its fair share of them and now is no different.  As some of you may know I have been on a path of self discovery and reinvention for some time now.  Last year I decided to throw caution to the wind, quit my Administration job and went back to school and obtained my Public Relations Certificate.  I was fortunate enough to be given a contract by A Cue Creative Consulting, the PR and Brand Management Company I interned with.  These past 6 months have been a whirlwind of new experiences and confidence boosting work and client contributions.  But, life as we say is never that simple.  

Yes, I was moving in the direction of my new career choice and I was gaining confidence with every assignment, but something was still missing; family.  I am a BC transplant, I originate from Ontario and so does my entire family.  I have been blazing my own path for the past 13 years and I am very proud that I have been able to make my own choices and rely on my own strength, intelligence and fortitude to create my life on my own terms. 

Vancouver is a beautiful and vibrant city, full of art, nature and easy going lassiez faire attitudes.  Unfortunately, these wonderful attributes have made it next to impossible to financially get ahead.  Prices of day to day items, going out to eat, entertainment and not to mention real estate has doomed me to a life of a small apartment renter and lower middle class social status. Not to mention this trail blazing path has come at a bigger price, I have missed out on important birthdays, anniversaries and events in my ever growing families lives.  At what point do you decide what is most important in your life?

Well that decision is now for me, I have decided that I am going to move back to Ontario.  I want no I NEED to have a more work/life balance and the only way I can achieve this is if I move back.  Yes, I am going to miss the friends and city that I have grown to love and have become my family, my home away from home, but like the decision I made last year, I have to just throw caution to the wind and take that leap.  

With blind faith, I chose to take the path less traveled by and am excited and a bit scared as to what this new path will have in store for me.  What I do know is, I will have the love and support of my family to help me thorough it.  

Fortunately, my wonderfully supportive boss has extended my contract and I will have the amazing opportunity to continue growing and learning in my new PR path with A Cue Creative Consulting.  The beauty and luxury of having a virtual office! 

I look forward to rebuilding my past relationships and creating new ones.  On-wards and upwards they say and here I go into the abyss.

The Medium Is the Message or Is it?

Who knew that this many years later the infamous quote from Marshall McLuhan would still be ringing true today but with a bit of a twist.  “The medium is the message” was coined back in the 1970’s and back then McLuhan was trying to emphasize that the way we say something is more important than the words we use to say it, interesting and profound for that time.  Today, with the onslaught of the internet and more importantly the use of social media this profound notion has evolved even further, the medium itself has become the message. 

No longer do we turn to traditional avenues of information searching like newspapers, tv or radio; no we go to the internet now to get our news.  Recognizing how their readers and viewers are now consuming information, media outlets themselves have turned to social media to gather and present their news.  Those of us too busy to read an entire newspaper will turn to twitter and scan the posts and possible links from major media outlets to get our fill of the days happenings locally and globally.  In fact, when major news is breaking in the world it is usually twitter that will break it first.  This was the most evident during the Syrian uprising and citizen journalists were tweeting and posting videos of the rioting and mayhem when the country had put a ban on all media coming in and or going out.  So what does all this mean?

This means that the need to be immediate far outweighs the need to be accurate when presenting the hard news.  This means the ability to connect via the internet has replaced many individuals want for face to face interaction.  This means the avenues in which companies and individuals market themselves will be determined how their target audiences consume information.  This means the medium itself has become the message. 

Social media is an amazing tool and should be used as just that a tool of many to communicate and interact with individuals of any and all target audiences.  But we as consumers must also do our due diligence and understand that information presenting and consuming has forever been altered and how we chose to digest this information must change along with it.  This will continuously evolve as technology and the means in which we communicate continues to evolve.  Where will this end up?  I don’t have those answers but I do know I need to update my facebook status to contemplative.

Sometimes you just need to take a hike!

Well 2013 is upon us kiddies and it promises to be an excellent year!  You know I do say that at the beginning of every new year like we all do, wishing and believing that this year, yup this year is gonna be different.  Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't but what I have learned in the few years on this earth is that how you perceive your life will determine how it actually comes to fruition.
If we are constantly believing that nothing is gonna change and your life is miserable then odds are it is gonna be. 
Sounds simple right, in theory it is but in practice that is a whole other ball game.  You see I lost this a little while back.  I was so wrapped up in the big picture of my new life path and journey that I forgot to remember the immediate happenings around me, the little things.  Like the feeling of the crisp autumn air on your face as you take a stroll outside, the sheer magnitude and beauty of a sunset over a waterway or the swooping and swaying of a bird gliding through the open sky.  These little things are just as important, they make you feel connected to yourself and the world around you.  In an age when we are always plugged in to smartphones, ipads, laptops and such we have become more fragmented and stressed not only with our loved ones but with ourselves.

I lost myself a while back, with working two jobs and trying to get this new path on track I let go of the one thing that used to bring me such peace and rejuvenation and that was my daily walk.  I used to walk everyday as a means of decompressing after a long day.  I would put on my walking shoes and my ipod and out the door I went, able to just "be" for those 30 minutes and just breathe.  These walks always left me with a feeling of relaxation and invigoration at the same time, it was like my own personal meditation.   I slept better, was more creative and just felt a spring in my step.  Well as time in the day became a premium, my walk was the first thing to go.  As a result, over time I became lethargic, tired, overwhelmed and a wee bit depressed.  My weight crept up and my general outlook on life diminished.  With this new path coming to fruition before me I still felt this sense of stress and despair, everything I had been working for was happening why wasn't I overjoyed???

Then the other day, my friend Nadine posted a letter that Michael Moore wrote on his journey over the last 42 weeks of taking a 30 minute walk everyday just as a gift to himself, not to lose weight or exercise but as just as a means to just "be". This got me thinking, when was I the most content and at peace in my life? The answer, when I was walking!!  These past few days I have taken up Moore's challenge to take a 30 minute walk everyday and already I am feeling a shift.  I was able to take in a breathtaking sunset over the fraser river tonight and see the fog gently caress the snow capped rockies.  I wonder what I will be able to witness tomorrow. 
So friends and family, I am sending you a challenge, I challenge you to take a 30 minute walk everyday.  Put your kids in the strollers, grab your spouse, put a leash on your dog or whatever and just give yourself this 30 minute gift.  Rain or shine do it!! Not only will you notice a change in yourself but you will notice a change in your relationships with your kids, spouse and others.  You will feel more grounded and at peace.  So grab your shoes and lets all go for a walk! xxoo