The Universe Isn't Finished With Me Yet!

If you had told me that at the age of 41 I would be packing up my worldly possessions and driving across country and living with my Mother once again, I would have thought you were insane and would have re-evaluated our relationship!  But that is exactly where my life is right now, I am living with my parents once again and starting my life completely over. 

Rebirth happens continuously throughout our lives in many forms if we are fortunate enough to allow ourselves to be open to all of life's transformative powers and influences. 

But this time, my newly found rebirth is actually transporting me back to childhood, I feel like a teenager again.  Now feeling like a teenager when you are 41 is not exactly a bad thing on the surface.  Feeling like a teenager could mean I feel young, vibrant, energized, inquisitive and eager.  Yes I COULD be feeling these things, but my teenage feelings are much different.  I feel uncertain, somewhat powerless, unsure, an almost emotional roller coaster.  I think living under my Mother's roof has unearthed age old insecurities that I thought I had put away as dealt with, after all I am a confident, contributing member of society, right? 

You see when I was younger I did go through years of feeling insecure and unsure of who I was or who I could be.  This made me feel weak and scared and a burning desire to overcompensate and over achieve so that no one would know my dirty little secret. I would convince everyone that I was just fine, nothing was wrong, I even convinced myself.  But being back here, all of these insecurities have reared their ugly head igniting my NEED to control everything and everyone in my life.  If you are in control then no can hurt you or be hurt by you right?

I guess the universe is not finished teaching me about me.  I guess my life is teaching me about trust, letting go and forgiveness.  On paper it seems like a logical, easy thing to achieve, too bad life does not exist on paper.  I know that I can achieve these things with others, especially those that I love and hold dear to my heart, the problem is I have not figured out how to trust, let go and forgive myself.

I AM a work in progress, a painting only half filled with texture and contrasting shades of  colour.  Each cycle in my life will help to add shading, vibrancy and emotion to my life's painting.  Who knows what the final piece will look like, but I do know that it will be my true essence, never perfect but always true.

I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me next, only be gentle I bruise ever so easily.

Luv Always,

Dina xxoo